The interaction depicted in 2 Samuel 12:1-13 is how Nathan addressed a delicate, yet critical behavioral issue with his friend David. As you read the story, you will observe Nathan's tact mixed with bold directness. The confrontation/restoration process is delicate and one many of us shy-away from if not completely ignore.
Read the story again - or for the first time:
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Samuel%2012
There are consequences for leaders that have been entrusted with responsibility that do not steward it well. And leaders are well-served by having truth-tellers, versus yes-men around them. A humble leader allows his trusted advisors to speak boldly - and they respond with humility. The best communication experiences take place with both sender and receiver do their part.
Friday, July 28, 2017
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Effective Communication (Day 4)
"A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." Luke 6:45 (for other translations: http://biblehub.com/luke/6-45.htm)
This Scripture makes us take a long, honest look at an undeniable truth: what we say is a result of what we think. No one can hear our thoughts, but they might as well have that ability, too. We reveal what we are thinking about by the words we speak, attitudes we project and actions that we take. We cannot conceal our thought life, as much as we might want to think that we can.
If we thought about the fact that our hearts would be revealed to the public, would we be more diligent at keeping our thoughts clean, edifying, hope-filled and life-giving? This serves us well - and others.
This Scripture makes us take a long, honest look at an undeniable truth: what we say is a result of what we think. No one can hear our thoughts, but they might as well have that ability, too. We reveal what we are thinking about by the words we speak, attitudes we project and actions that we take. We cannot conceal our thought life, as much as we might want to think that we can.
If we thought about the fact that our hearts would be revealed to the public, would we be more diligent at keeping our thoughts clean, edifying, hope-filled and life-giving? This serves us well - and others.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Effective Communication (Day 3)
God uses a variety of means to communicate with His people. The Old Testament records many times in which He speaks through his prophets, dreams, visions, nature, circumstances, symbols, even those opposed to His message and a donkey! (Numbers 22:21...) He speaks to us in present day through some of these same ways, plus the Bible and the Holy Spirit.
Leaders also have a variety of means of communicating with those whom they have been entrusted to lead - personal one-on-one conversations, team meetings, policies and procedures, job descriptions, technology, and print materials. Non-verbals also communicate messages through tone of voice and facial expressions, even dress and behavioral habits.
Psalm 19 tells us that God constantly communicates.
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
4 Yet their voice[b] goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
Think about the ways you are communicating your thoughts and feelings to others. Are these the messages you intend to send? Repetition is the mother of all learning and we need all the tools available to us to hit home our most important messages. With a little intentionality, leaders can effectively increase understanding through a variety of ways.
Leaders also have a variety of means of communicating with those whom they have been entrusted to lead - personal one-on-one conversations, team meetings, policies and procedures, job descriptions, technology, and print materials. Non-verbals also communicate messages through tone of voice and facial expressions, even dress and behavioral habits.
Psalm 19 tells us that God constantly communicates.
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
4 Yet their voice[b] goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
Think about the ways you are communicating your thoughts and feelings to others. Are these the messages you intend to send? Repetition is the mother of all learning and we need all the tools available to us to hit home our most important messages. With a little intentionality, leaders can effectively increase understanding through a variety of ways.
Tuesday, July 25, 2017
Effective Communication (Day 2)
(DAY 2) Because we have been created in the likeness of God, we are personal, relational, communicating beings. The issue is not whether we will communicate, but how effective and appropriate our communication will be. Our speech can be a source of blessing or injury to others.
James 3:1 - 18 considers the significance of the words we speak:
James is the wisdom book of the New Testament, and like the book of Proverbs, it says a great deal about the words we speak. Chapter 3 underscores much of what we already know through long and painful experience: The tongue seems to be more difficult to bring under control than any other part of our being. Our speech is not neutral territory; it is informed and shaped by our character. The art of listening well and speaking in appropriate ways may not always be taught at home, in the classroom, or at work, but these social skills are nevertheless essential to effective leadership.
Jesus also shared, "“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit,44 for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. 45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:43-45
Both James and Jesus teach us that communication is as much an issue of character, as it is a skill.
Boa, Bizzell & Perkins (2007). Handbook to Leadership. Atlanta, GA: Trinity House Publishers
James 3:1 - 18 considers the significance of the words we speak:
"Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. 3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. 4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life,[a] and set on fire by hell.[b] 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers,[c] these things ought not to be so.11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
James is the wisdom book of the New Testament, and like the book of Proverbs, it says a great deal about the words we speak. Chapter 3 underscores much of what we already know through long and painful experience: The tongue seems to be more difficult to bring under control than any other part of our being. Our speech is not neutral territory; it is informed and shaped by our character. The art of listening well and speaking in appropriate ways may not always be taught at home, in the classroom, or at work, but these social skills are nevertheless essential to effective leadership.
Jesus also shared, "“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit,44 for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. 45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:43-45
Both James and Jesus teach us that communication is as much an issue of character, as it is a skill.
Boa, Bizzell & Perkins (2007). Handbook to Leadership. Atlanta, GA: Trinity House Publishers
Monday, July 24, 2017
Effective Communication (Day 1)
Hi CKP's ~ We are barreling down the last stretch of ELI Vision & Voice for the year and we have only two more EQ skills to examine in our study of the pillars of leadership. Our next EQ Skill is "Communication" (no small topic, eh?)
For the next couple of weeks, I am going to send out a daily reflection on communication from a Biblical perspective to see what we can glean from the Scriptures. Feel free to respond to any of these posts that particularly catch your interest.
(Day 1) Proverbs 18:13 "To answer before listening - that is folly and shame." NIV
http://biblehub.com/proverbs/18-13.htm (for those of you who would like to read the other translations)
'In his famous prayer, St. Francis of Assisi asked God to help him to "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.
Actually, the book of Proverbs offered identical advice ages before St. Francis penned this prayer. In Proverbs 19:13 we read that it is foolish to answer before listening. Early in this same chapter, Solomon offers a pointed evaluation of those who would rather talk than listen, stating that a fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in letting everyone know his opinion (Prov. 18:2).
No leader who cannot communicate can lead well and long. Most leaders spend vast amounts of time and energy developing other skills, such as long-term planning, time management and public speaking. But what about taking time to develop the skill of listening? Those who wish to be good leaders will develop this skill. They'll practice such techniques as maintaining eye contact and rephrasing what they hear to be certain that they have understood correctly.
Closely tied in with the skill of listening is the ability to express oneself in a nonabrasive and affirming manner, because reckless words are hurtful, but words of wisdom bring healing (Prov. 12:18). Wise leaders think before they speak; in so doing, they select words that nurture rather than destroy. When faced with hostility, they speak gently in order to subdue anger rather than stoke it (Prov. 15:1).
Your ability to communicate (and the degree) will either evoke trust or distrust in those you lead. It will instill either confidence or fear. It will determine to a large extent how eagerly your followers will follow you. How would those you lead evaluate your listening skills?' What one thing could you do to strengthen your ability to really hear others?
Boa, Bizzell & Perkins (2007). Handbook to Leadership. Atlanta, GA: Trinity House Publishers
For the next couple of weeks, I am going to send out a daily reflection on communication from a Biblical perspective to see what we can glean from the Scriptures. Feel free to respond to any of these posts that particularly catch your interest.
(Day 1) Proverbs 18:13 "To answer before listening - that is folly and shame." NIV
http://biblehub.com/proverbs/18-13.htm (for those of you who would like to read the other translations)
'In his famous prayer, St. Francis of Assisi asked God to help him to "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.
Actually, the book of Proverbs offered identical advice ages before St. Francis penned this prayer. In Proverbs 19:13 we read that it is foolish to answer before listening. Early in this same chapter, Solomon offers a pointed evaluation of those who would rather talk than listen, stating that a fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in letting everyone know his opinion (Prov. 18:2).
No leader who cannot communicate can lead well and long. Most leaders spend vast amounts of time and energy developing other skills, such as long-term planning, time management and public speaking. But what about taking time to develop the skill of listening? Those who wish to be good leaders will develop this skill. They'll practice such techniques as maintaining eye contact and rephrasing what they hear to be certain that they have understood correctly.
Closely tied in with the skill of listening is the ability to express oneself in a nonabrasive and affirming manner, because reckless words are hurtful, but words of wisdom bring healing (Prov. 12:18). Wise leaders think before they speak; in so doing, they select words that nurture rather than destroy. When faced with hostility, they speak gently in order to subdue anger rather than stoke it (Prov. 15:1).
Your ability to communicate (and the degree) will either evoke trust or distrust in those you lead. It will instill either confidence or fear. It will determine to a large extent how eagerly your followers will follow you. How would those you lead evaluate your listening skills?' What one thing could you do to strengthen your ability to really hear others?
Boa, Bizzell & Perkins (2007). Handbook to Leadership. Atlanta, GA: Trinity House Publishers
The Hazards of Unresolved Conflict
Hey All, I am hoping you all have taken some time to look over your MBTI supplemental reports on resolving conflict. A couple of you have taken the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Resolution Style inventory. That is still available to whomever wants it. Here are some notes from our last meeting on resolving conflict:
Whose responsibility is it to address conflict? Everyone's.
Who typically does: No one.
What are the hazards of allowing conflict to go unaddressed? Here is what you all came up with:
1) Animosity that festers
2) Explosion (Aggression) or Passive-Agression (Hidden Aggression)
3) The issue grows in magnitude (from molehill to mountain)
4) It becomes irresolvable
5) Broken trust (which has a cascading effect)
6) Broken respect (each of which lead to lack of productivity)
7) Lost time
8) Lack of teamwork
9) Lack of individual engagement
10) Resentment
Whose responsibility is it to address conflict? Everyone's.
Who typically does: No one.
What are the hazards of allowing conflict to go unaddressed? Here is what you all came up with:
1) Animosity that festers
2) Explosion (Aggression) or Passive-Agression (Hidden Aggression)
3) The issue grows in magnitude (from molehill to mountain)
4) It becomes irresolvable
5) Broken trust (which has a cascading effect)
6) Broken respect (each of which lead to lack of productivity)
7) Lost time
8) Lack of teamwork
9) Lack of individual engagement
10) Resentment
Saturday, July 15, 2017
Why Embrace Confrontation
Sometimes we have to confront an underlying issue before a conflict can be resolved. For most people, this is an unappealing prospect. Here are a few thoughts on the reasons why to confront:
1) Confrontation is
an act of caring – the confronter refuses to
let the person walk blindly toward a cliff
2) Confrontation is
a responsibility – leaders and love are
required to act in the others’ best interest by virtue of their commitment to
the good of the whole group
3) Confrontation puts
limits on the relationship – this
communicates clearly that we reject something of the other person’s behavior
which can be scary or hurtful. It is
necessary to teach others how to treat us.
4) Confrontation
must be an act of integrity – question your
motives: am I doing this out of anger or love?
5) Confrontation
seeks to help others understand themselves better – people don’t always see themselves clearly and we
can help be a mirror and we should all be so lucky to have such a friend.
6) Confrontation
must be done with care and flexibility – People can be
fragile – carefully choose whether you will be direct or indirect, confront now
or later, whether to be gentle or tough. Also, be prepared to recognize you
might have misunderstood something of the situation.
7) Confrontation is
an act of courage – it may strain the
relationship for a time. The confronter
may be ignored, rebuffed or retaliated against. You are accepting that risk.
8) Confrontation is
an investment in the future – you are
opening up possibilities in the relationship in the future, you’re building
trust as a courageous friend, fear only paints yourself into a corner.
9) Confrontation is
an act of optimism – confrontation paints a
picture of a bright life ahead where we each are able to grow beyond our own
weaknesses, blind-spots and failures.
Sunday, July 9, 2017
10 Myths About Conflict
10 Myths about Conflict
Myth #1 All conflict is bad.
Myth #2 Conflict damages relationships.
Myth #3 Conflict should never be escalated.
Myth #4 All conflict is just a personality
problem.
Myth #5 All conflict should be reduced or
avoided.
Myth #6 Conflict indicates psychological
problems.
Myth #7 Harmony is normal and conflict is
abnormal.
Myth #8 If I ignore the conflict, it will go
away.
Myth #9 Genuine conflict is about facts and
not about emotions.
Myth #10 Conflict is a sign that people do not
care.
(How to Deal With Annoying People: What to Do When You Can’t Void Them, Phillips & Alyn (2005).
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